Dirt

I walk up to the waterside
And sit down in the dirt
Coolness of grass on my fingertips
Mud squishing in my toes

I look out on the water, flatness
Disturbed by tiny ripples
Feel the coolness of the air
Kiss my hair back from my face

All my life behind me
The noise and din and swirl
Stop for these few moments
As I sit in perfect peace

Then comes a darkness, cloud of grief
As I chronicle the pain
I can't be sure how it will end
Or if it even will

Head down, eyes shut, nails digging dirt
Knees pulled up to my chest
Holding on to what I can

Which is nothing.
Nothing at all.

I weep.  Bereaved.  Lost and alone.
"I cannot do this, God!
A life like this? With nothing known? 
Nothing to call mine?"

Eyes wet with anguish, looking up
Upon the endless grey
Feel sweet whispers on wet cheeks
"Just be still and know..."

"Be still and know that I am God"
The words sink deep, hit hard
And in the stillness...mud
Mud covered hands held high

Lips crying praise with furtive joy
Remembering He is mine
How could I forget
That I am His created one?

Being still I hear His voice
Count it all my strength
Being still, I let go
Of all my worries and my hopes

Behind me echo childish voices
Calling me back to that place
Knowing I cannot run away
From the race I have to run

I stand up from the waterside
Clasping a clump of dirt
Reminding me that I am loved
I turn my face towards home