Pole Dancing

Have a little dignity.  Now do it while pushing an IV pole everywhere.  I thought people would show a little discretion.  Nope.  Open stares, turning heads following my movements.  People realizing that it connects to the baby and compassion comes.  Something is WRONG!  Yes.  This is true.  It’s always been true.  But you can’t hide it when you have to dance around with the pole everywhere.  They ask questions, or they stare and look away when you glance up…and then stare and look away again when you glance up again.  And then I guess they stare more.  I stopped looking.  I started cleaning up Pole with a baby wipe as we all waited in the cardiology waiting room.  If Pole is going to come everywhere, he’s going to shine!   Everyone’s quiet.  The effect of Pole I assume.

“How old is the baby?” someone ventures. 

“Seven months.” 

They glance at the pole.

“Yeah.” I say, “She’s had a tough little life.” 

“You’re lucky to have her.” 

I choke up.  Can’t talk anymore after all the rawness of the day.  My first venture out with Pole.

 Baby’s newest feeding regiment, pronounced two days earlier and falling on my ears like a gavel:  24 hour a day slow drip.  No break from Pole.  Just over an ounce an hour, every hour.  “It’ll only be for 24 or 48 hours probably” the Dr. followed up with.  Nothing happens quickly in the medical world.  It’s now stretched to a week with “discussion” to come on that day.

Not that I can argue.  It’s for the best and I can see that.  The vomit I’d been catching in the small pink tray 10-15 times a day has diminished to 4-5 times in the mornings.  The weight she had lost has been regained.  But she wants to learn to crawl and to roll and to bounce across the room like a normal baby, which is difficult when you’re on a 3 foot leash attached to Pole. 

Even though he’s shiny.